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22 March 2013 @ 05:51 pm
Fic: Ten Reasons Momoi Satsuki and Aomine Daiki Living Together is a Terrible Idea  
Title: Ten Reasons Momoi Satsuki and Aomine Daiki Living Together is a Terrible Idea
Author: breathless_dawn
Rating: PG-13
Characters/Pairings: Aomine Daiki, Momoi Satsuki, mentions of Touou team and Teiko team; Daiki/Satsuki.
Disclaimer: I don't own them, but I wish I did.
A/N: This is pure crack and is not meant to be taken seriously at all. I'm easing my way into a new fandom and this is the result. It's in a 10 facts format, which is not my usual style, but I hope it's alright. This little bit of nonsense is dedicated to hope_assassin, who introduced me to Kuroko no Basuke and this lovely pairing. I blame her entirely!

ETA: I apologise if the formatting is odd! I fought with it for ages and this is as good as it's going to get.

Ten Reasons Momoi Satsuki and Aomine Daiki Living Together is a Terrible Idea

1. Daiki is an incurable slob.

 1a. Particularly when it comes to food.
  i. He stands in front of the open fridge and drinks juice straight from the carton.
  ii. He also has a tendency to stuff his mouth with whatever he happens to be eating at the time. It’s not uncommon for him to have four foods stuffed into his mouth at once.
   iia. Sometimes the combinations are truly horrifying.

2. Satsuki is a neat freak.

 2a. Everything has its place and trying to account for the hurricane that is Aomine Daiki in her organised world is a near impossible task.
 2b. The arguments are terrible.
 2c. But Satsuki always loses.
 2d. And then she spends a lot of time cleaning. (While Aomine spends a lot of time smirking.)

3. Satsuki may or may not have a Kuroko shrine.

 3a. Rumours of its existence were spread around Teiko’s team, but it has been neither confirmed nor denied by a reliable source.
 3b. If it does exist, Aomine can’t be trusted not to set fire to it. (And possibly the entire building, for good measure.)
  i. Aomine Daiki may also have psychopathic tendencies.
  ii. But no one talks about that if they favour their lives.
  iii. Also, he is not jealous of Tetsu, okay? So stop asking.

4. As composed and decisive as she is, Satsuki still has difficulty choosing her outfits.

 4a. Which means she will ask Aomine for input.
 4b. Which will lead to him say, “What does it matter? Just put on some fucking clothes, Satsuki!”
 4c. To which she will respond, “Come on, Dai-chan, I just need you to tell me which looks better, the  blue top or the red one!”
 4d. Which is why Daiki is late for everything. Not because Satsuki takes a long time to decide, which is certainly true, but because he does his best to avoid her until her compulsive earliness forces her to leave the house without his input.

5. No matter how hard she tries, Momoi can’t cook anything.

 5a. No, seriously, she can’t. cook. anything.
 5b. Which is a problem because Aomine absolutely refuses to cook unless he’s on the verge of starving.
  i. Assuming they have any food in the house.
  ii. If they don’t, there’s always cup ramen in the cupboard for just such occasions, which Daiki has to prepare for both of them because Satsuki somehow manages to screw that up too. (It’s still a mystery as to how, but no one is really surprised.)

6. Satsuki threatens Daiki with death on a near daily basis.

 6a. Loudly.
  i. So loudly that the police have been called. More than once.
  ii. The neighbours believe that they have an abusive relationship.
   iia. Some days Daiki is inclined to agree with them. Satsuki can slap hard, if she wants.
   iib. Except that they’re not dating. No, really, why does everyone ask that?

7. One Touou team member’s home is automatically the home away from home for every other Touou team member.

 7a. Satsuki doesn’t mind, but Daiki complains loudly that he gets enough of the team during practise (which he rarely attends, but he gets enough of them nonetheless).
  i. (Satsuki knows that Daiki really likes his teammates. Really, he does, but she keeps quiet about it because Dai-chan has a reputation to maintain, stupid though it is, and she wants to let him come out of his shell on his own time.)

8. And when the team visits, it’s loud.

 8a. Especially when alcohol is involved.
  i. Daiki secretly likes it when the team is smashed. Wakamatsu sits in the corner and broods and Sakurai obnoxiously blasts the music and urges everyone to dance. Imayoshi flirts with everything that has a pulse (and sometimes, when he’s really drunk, things that don’t have a pulse – he’s made   out with Aomine’s lamp more than once). Susa slurs his jokes and laughs until he cries.
  ii. What he really likes is when Satsuki stumbles around, snapping half-heartedly at the messes everyone is making, slurring his name, “Dai-chaaaan, why aren’t you as drunk as me?” And when she’s too drunk to make it to her room, they share his bed.
   iia. And, contrary to popular belief, Aomine Daiki is a perfect gentleman.
   iib. But sometimes Satsuki kisses him clumsily on the mouth, and she tastes like stale booze and cherry lip balm. He always kisses her back.
    (1). The next morning they always smile awkwardly at each other and blame it all on the booze.

9. Aomine walks around the apartment in various states of undress.

 9a. Mostly he walks around without his shirt, but Satsuki always sees him like that on the court.
 9b. Sometimes he only walks around in boxers. Satsuki is surprised the first few times, but she grows used to it.
  i. It’s particularly amusing to see what boxers Dai-chan chooses to wear. She thinks her favourite pair is the one with tiny penguins all over.
 9c. On rare occasions (usually when he’s hungover) Daiki doesn’t wear anything at all.
  i. The first time Satsuki sees him in such a state she drops her coffee mug, which shatters on the floor. “Whoa, Satsuki,” Aomine groans, putting a hand to his head, “Not so loud, eh? I drank too much last night.” Satsuki can only splutter around coherent speech, “D-Dai-chan! You…Your clothes…!” until she runs for the shower and turns on the cold water.
  ii. It’s then that Aomine notices Momoi blushes as red as Kagami’s hair.

10. Aomine Daiki and Momoi Satsuki might just definitely don’t love each other.

 10a. First off, they’ve been friends forever. Flirting is just part of what they do.
 10b. Second, Satsuki loves Tetsu. Everyone knows that. She’s loved Tetsu since the first moment she met him.
  i. Nevermind that she hasn’t seen him in over a year, that she can’t exactly remember all the reasons she loves him anymore.
  ii. Nevermind that Tetsu has always shot her down.
  iii. And nevermind that Daiki has always let her cry on his shoulder, has always been there when she’s needed him.
 10c. Third, Daiki won’t date Satsuki.
  i. Because it’s weird and he’s got options.
   ia. Most people think that Kise is the only one who has girls lining up around the block, but Aomine has his fair share, too.
  ii. Sure, she’s got nice boobs (and beautiful hair and eyes that sparkle). But she’s Satsuki.
  iii. (Plus, Aomine knows he’s an ass and he won’t put her through that. Because she’s Satsuki and she deserves better.)
 10d. But they’re in denial and everybody knows.
  i. Everyone knows. Except for Daiki and Satsuki, of course.
  ii. They all have bets going on when they will get together, who will be the first to fold.
   iia. Kuroko thinks Aomine-kun will give in first, and Kise thinks it will be Momoi. Midorima says bluntly that it will end with them having kinky sex in a public place, no matter who gives in first. Everyone laughs and agrees.
 
 
Current Mood: sillysilly
 
 
 
Dark Hope Assassin: Daiki & Satsuki // Gentle Touchhope_assassin on March 23rd, 2013 09:10 am (UTC)
Everyone laughs and agrees.

My day - made.

Seriously.

Like. Seriously. This is practically canon.

OMG. I can't stop adoring this. *tackle-glomps* You're so awesome. *-*

And the formatting? It's PERFECT. Being able to tell which are Satsuki's observations, and which are Daiki's. Ingenious!

This is practically canon.

I am pimping it on tumblr for the awesomeness that it is!

*adds to memories too*

*can't stop crying from happiness over the fact you wrote something with your flawless writing again, and it's not just anything, but a KuroBasu story, and a Daiki/Satsuki too* *crying forever in glee in the corner*

Edited at 2013-03-23 09:11 am (UTC)
breathless_dawn: Spirit *luff*breathless_dawn on March 23rd, 2013 06:00 pm (UTC)
I'm glad you like it, love! I was so hoping you would! I thought it may have been a bit too crack-y to hold any weight haha.

Ooh tumblr pimpage lol. I've been resisting getting a tumblr myself because I cannot afford another distraction, but I'd love to see yours xD

*tackle-glomps you right back*
Dark Hope Assassin: Ed // Sly Grin ♥hope_assassin on March 23rd, 2013 09:22 pm (UTC)
What are you saying, woman?! Crack is what this pairing needs most of the time! :D Plus, the way you made it, I am serious: this is practically canon. I can so see this happening!

I don't really spend that much time on it, except if I'm really bummed and don't feel like doing anything else. It does have great diversion qualities, though. xD here's a link to mine. I use it mostly for saving pics and reposting some of the more awesome ones. xD

*clings forever*
ofcoarseness on March 24th, 2013 06:17 am (UTC)

oh my gosh midorima ahahaaha XD

i totally love this the entire thing! but especially the ending with all of them making bets about them, pffft-- best thing ever! i seriously love it~ ♥ i like how you formatted it as well. (:

and awww at
10c. iii. (Plus, Aomine knows he’s an ass and he won’t put her through that. Because she’s Satsuki and she deserves better.)
that's so sweet of aomine to think that way but he still needs to stop messing around, get off his ass, and start courting momoi (lol)

Edited at 2013-03-24 06:18 am (UTC)
breathless_dawn: Midorimacchibreathless_dawn on March 24th, 2013 06:32 am (UTC)
Re: ♥
Yeah, Midorima is quite blunt, isn't he? xD

Thank you so much for your lovely comment! I'm so pleased you liked it!

Haha too true about Aomine, but I don't know that he actually knows what courting is, to be honest. It's a bit too subtle for him :)

Thanks again for the read and comment! ♥
Sieghart Pensees: tonguenomdeplumejam on October 30th, 2013 03:02 pm (UTC)
That was really cuuuuuute! I also love the format of this story. Great read! ~ ♥
Sanjid4gotten on July 9th, 2015 12:58 pm (UTC)
Awesum! Kinky sex in public haha! A changin room most likely. But i like that Aomine knows he's an ass and Satsuki deserves better. Which is why Satsuki will choose him cause there's no one better. In the end ,if nobody snatches Satsuki first or shows interest in Aomine chii as third parties I don't think these two numbskulls will make it to the big 'R'

Just sayin haha